The Ridiculosity That is Healthcare in America

Now, before I turn people off because of my seeming homeland-bashing, let me just say that I believe America has the best practices in health and medicine in the world, and I am proud of that. Now let me tell you a little story that happened to a farang in Thailand a few days ago. You might know him. He and his wife are teachers of English in the afformentioned country, and his sister-in-law, Jackie, is there visiting them.

On Friday, the three of them decided that it would be a kick in the pants to go check out Chiang Dao Caves, north of Chiang Mai about 70 kilometers or so. They had no desire whatsoever to ride on the same motorcycle, the three of them. So, they borrowed a motorbike from their friends, the Bells, after an anxious morning of teaching and headed up the road. They donned their helmets and packed their raincoats, because off in the not-so-distant distance, rain clouds of death were ironically coughing up a flood of life-giving juice upon the land. A little rain could not and would not stop them from having fun. So, they went on.

A few kilometers north of Mae Taeng, the rain caught them. Jackie and Summer put on the rain coats (if you can call them that-- they were just light trash bags with hoods). Michael didn't have a raincoat, and decided to just brave the water. Shortly thereafter, they found themselves winding through a mountain pass (which really didn't involve much elevation change at all) in the pouring down rain thinking, maybe we should turn back. They were already wet though, and they didn't want to spoil some fun just because of a little rain, so they pushed on. Not having been to this place before, they stopped at a small roadside fruit market and, through broken Thai and broken English, eventually found out that they needed to go further and they had not in fact passed the turn-off. Sloshing his way back to the bikes, Michael relayed this information to the girls, and on they went.

As the mountains opened up into a picturesque valley that was surprisingly even more beautiful than where they live, the sun began to peek through windows in the clouds. Blue sky began to take over the grey/black life-giving death that was the heavens. And road construction began to take over the way. It wasn't so bad. There were not many vehicles or people out constructing in the rain. There were just signs, uneven road, dirt and rocks, and markers/cones. Summer and Jackie were ahead of Michael when all of this unfolded, and somehow, a tour bus wedged its way inbetween them, blocking any proper view the girls might have of him.

It was then that a lip in the road made itself evident. One side of the road was very soon going to be higher than the other side of the road. In his very quick and logical thinking, Michael realized that it would be better to be on the higher side of the road (this was all going in one direction-- opposing traffic had its own two lanes which are not a part of this story). Knowing that it is much safer to approach a lip in the road from straight on as opposed to edging towards it on a motorcycle, especially when there is dirt and gravel involved, Michael made the quick decision to turn toward the lip and drive on.

With speed and grace akin to the lightning that forked the sky earlier that day, the tires of Michael's bike shot out from underneath him, leaving nothing but air between him and the road, which the road ate up almost immediately. Michael found himself thrown over the handle bars once the bike went prone. The blow of the road was cushioned by the incredible reflexes of his left hand, right forearm, and head. After the inital collision (which somehow involved his chest as well), he rolled over onto his shoulder and consequently his back before coming to a stop. As the dust settled, so did the pain and reality of what just happened in his body and his head. He knew he needed to get out of the road. So, he got up and limped over to the side of the road, looking around and trying to figure out what to do next. The adrenaline coursing through his body slowed his critical thinking as a rush of thoughts and ideas flooded his mind. He just wanted someone to stop and help him. He just wanted the pain to go away. He just wanted his helmet off. He just wanted his clothes to be dry. He just wanted his wife by his side. He just wanted to find his wedding ring that had come off during the incident. He just wanted to go to Chiang Dao Caves. Sigh.

People began to gather and motorists slowed, curiousity setting in their minds. As Michael looked up, people were coming from many directions with bottles of water to pour over his wounds. Amidst the mumblings of those surrounding him, a distinct sound of something familiar rushed into his ears like oxygen flowing into a revived victim of drowning. English. Someone was speaking English. He zeroed in on the sound and they began exchanging information. It was then that Summer and Jackie returned from ahead and rushed to see if Michael was alright. Worry and relief intertwined in the mix of emotions, and Michael found himself being escorted to a car, ready to whisk him to the nearest hospital.

It was then that Michael's body came down off of its adrenaline high and mixed with the air conditioning and the dampness of his clothes from the rain, causing some uncontrollable shaking. He was just glad to be going to a hospital. The driver raced through town, a two-lane road filled with traffic, navigating it like a professional gamer who was about to conquer his previous high score on Frogger. Michael didn't care. He was ready to just forget about everything. They arrived at the emergency room, and he was seen to right away.

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As the wound on Michael's hand was examined, his heart rate went up. Water was poured over it to wash away the blood, rocks, and dirt. And each time his heart beat, blood rushed out of the gaping cut in a cascade of red water. Sterile pads and alcohol were were brought out and in a flush of spicy, red-orange fire, Michael's nerve endings twitched and stars invaded his eyes. They were putting the pads inside his hand and briskly wiping it down. Then they brought in the needle filled with anesthetic. They were going to put sutures in his skin, and they needed to make the pain more bearable. Yeah the do! Couldn't they have done that to begin with!?! So, they stuck the needle in, squirted a little numbing fluid, and adjusted the needle to repeat the process. It was like taking a toilet brush to the inside of a toilet; the needle went in and out and around without any other regard. Then, they brought in another needle, this one filled with a different fluid to help prevent tetanus. By this time Summer and Jackie had arrived, and they helped distract him while he was being tortured by these people who "just wanted to help." Again, the needle went in, this time into his upper arm, and his muscles immediately tightened into a knot as he was injected. Finally, they took a needle and thread to his gaping cut three times and sewed it shut.

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It was then that Michael began to feel a bit light headed. He had been sitting up the whole time, and now, as dizziness and nausea overwhelmed him, he succumbed to the need to lie down. Soon, he had his medications and antibiotics, and he was released to recover at home. Needless to say, the adventuresome trio did not visit the caves that day. They did, however, find time to stop at a Buddhist store and buy some fireworks to celebrate the independance of America as well as the fact that the accident wasn't any worse.

The End.

Please stay tuned for the rest of the story, as I tell you the facts that have been left out of the drama above. I will also make a brief comment or two about why I entitled this blog the way I did. Thank you for tuning in, and thank God for keeping me safe and making me wear a helmet.